var now=new Date(); var Quote = new Array(); var Source = new Array(); var i = 0; Quote[i] = "Son, if you are going to be a Horse's Ass, be a Clydesdale"; Source[i] = "Frank Hofer, Sr."; ++i; Quote[i] = "If you want to find the easiest way to do something, find the laziest person you can and get them to do it."; Source[i] = "Frank Hofer, Sr."; ++i; Quote[i] = "If at first you don't succeed, give up."; Source[i] = "Homer Simpson"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Sure Lisa, like there is some wonderful, magical creature that gives us bacon, pork, and ham...if only. (paraphrased)"; Source[i] = "Homer Simpson"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under." Source[i] = "H.L. Mencken (1880 – 1956)"; ++i; Quote[i] = "He who knows nothing is closer to the truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors." Source[i] = "Thomas Jefferson"; ++i; Quote[i] = "I have the consolation of having added nothing to my private fortune during my public service, and of retiring with hands clean as they are empty." Source[i] = "Thomas Jefferson"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Don't talk about what you have done or what you are going to do. Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you." Source[i] = "Thomas Jefferson"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny." Source[i] = "Thomas Jefferson"; ++i; Quote[i] = "When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV"; Source[i] = "Homer Simpson"; ++i; Quote[i] = "So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?"; Source[i] = "Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer."; Source[i] = "Homer Simpson"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." Source[i] = "Homer Simpson"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Inigo - Who are you?
Dread Pirate Roberts - No one of consequence." Source[i] = "The Princess Bride"; ++i; Quote[i] = "[Surely there must be something you can do.]
I'm doing everything I can. And stop calling me Shirley." Source[i] = "Dr. Rumack"; ++i; Quote[i] = "The theory of evolution does not and cannot explain so much about the universe that we know. For instance, when and how did water evolve? How does it happen that gravity can hold us to the Earth, and at the same time allow us to step up without any trouble? How did it happen that the Earth is spinning at the exact rate that keeps us from feeling that movement?"; Source[i] = "Carol Crooks"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?"; Source[i] = "President George Bush"; ++i; Quote[i] = "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."; Source[i] = "President George Bush"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."; Source[i] = "President George Bush"; ++i; Quote[i] = "They misunderestimated me."; Source[i] = "President George Bush"; ++i; Quote[i] = "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."; Source[i] = "President George Bush"; ++i; Quote[i] = "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."; Source[i] = "President George Bush"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."; Source[i] = "President George Bush"; ++i; Quote[i] = "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."; Source[i] = "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York, wars, and so on, whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons."; Source[i] = "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"; ++i; Quote[i] = "There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened."; Source[i] = "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"; ++i; Quote[i] = "If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again."; Source[i] = "Calvin and Hobbes"; ++i; Quote[i] = "It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning."; Source[i] = "Calvin and Hobbes"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand."; Source[i] = "Mark Twain"; ++i; Quote[i] = "In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination."; Source[i] = "Mark Twain"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."; Source[i] = "Mark Twain"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."; Source[i] = "Robert Heinlein"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Me fail English? That's unpossible."; Source[i] = "Ralph Wiggum"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Either it's all okay to make fun of, or none of it is."; Source[i] = "Kyle Broflovski"; ++i; Quote[i] = "It will be the happiest and scariest day of my life"; Source[i] = "Danielle Hofer - on the first day of kindergarten"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Danielle - Dad, why do you need that stupid alarm clock anyway?
Me - So I can wake up on time so I can go to work and make money to pay all the bills.
Danielle - You should be able to sleep as late as you want and never have to go to work.
Me - I don't think they would like that very much
Danielle - You could just tell them that you were sick..."; Source[i] = "Conversation w/ Danielle"; ++i; Quote[i] = "If I were to go on a killing spree, this would be the place to do it. The houses are far apart, so no one would hear the screams. I bet the walls are insulated too. The houses are so big; you could take your time...going room to room.
Me: If you decide to do this, I would much rather be an accomplice than a victim."; Source[i] = "Tempe - Conversation at a work party." ++i; Quote[i] = "Tempe (as I reach for a strawberry) - Don't do that.
Me - Why, is it yours?
Tempe - Yes, I marked it.
me - eats strawberry...
Tempe - In the way a dog marks it."; Source[i] = "Conversation with Tempe at a work party." ++i; Quote[i] = "Cz - The only thing in the middle of the road is road kill
Me -Yes, but the only thing on either side is garbage."; Source[i] = "Discussion of me being a moderate rather than a conservative or liberal"; ++i; Quote[i]="Justin - OK, if I had 5 apples and I took 2 from Dad, how many would I have?
Danielle - Five. You would never get food away from Dad."; Source[i] = "Conversation Between Justin and Danielle." ++i; Quote[i]="There is no need to teach that stars can fall out of the sky and land on a flat Earth in order to defend our religious faith."; Source[i]="Jimmy Carter"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Please do not offer my God a peanut."; Source[i] = "Apu Nahasapeemapetilon"; ++i; Quote[i] = "What good is money if you cannot inspire terror in your fellow man?"; Source[i] = "Montgomery Burns"; ++i; Quote[i] = "People don't need to worry about security. This deal wouldn't go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America."; Source[i] = "George W. Bush"; ++i; Quote[i] = "I don't want the world, I just want your half."; Source[i] = "They Might Be Giants"; ++i; Quote[i] = "You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering."; Source[i] = "Dr. Who"; ++i; Quote[i] = "A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting."; Source[i] = "Dr. Who"; ++i; Quote[i] = "She will listen to me, when I want speak, about the world will live in, and life in general, though my views may be wrong, they may even be perverted, she'll hear me out, and wont easily be converted, to my way of thinking, in fact shell often disagree, but at the end of it all, she will understand me."; Source[i] = "Martin Gore (Somebody by Depeche Mode)"; ++i; Quote[i] = "For some people, small, beautiful events is what life is all about!"; Source[i] = "Dr. Who"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends."; Source[i] = "Gandalf"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Frodo - I wish The Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened.

Gandalf - So do all who live to face such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."; Source[i] = "Gandalf to Frodo, in the Mines of Moria"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all,
One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them"; Source[i] = "Lord of the Rings"; ++i; Quote[i] = "...it is a telling fact that, the world over, the vast majority of children follow the religion of their parents rather than any of the other available religions."; Source[i] = "Richard Dawkins"; ++i; Quote[i] = "...perfectly ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink. It would be a mistake to think that they weren't also dangerous, just because reading them didn't make fireworks go off in the sky. Reading them sometimes did the more dangerous trick of making fireworks go off in the privacy of the reader's brain."; Source[i] = "(Terry Pratchett, Soul Music)"; ++i; Quote[i] = "...the likelihood is that, in 100,000 years time, we shall either have reverted to wild barbarism, or else civilisation will have advanced beyond all recognition—into colonies in outer space…"; Source[i] = "Richard Dawkins"; ++i; Quote[i] = "A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes."; Source[i] = "James Feibleman, 'Understanding Philosophy', 1973"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Genesis is not science, Genesis is a tale that was handed down for generations by people who really knew nothing about science, who knew nothing about natural history, and certainly knew nothing about what fossils were."; Source[i] = "Mary Dawson - curator emeritus of vertebrate paleontology at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History in Pittsburgh."; ++i; Quote[i] = "ABC, in a stunningly obvious move, has pulled the plug on a forthcoming Mel Gibson-directed miniseries on the holocaust. No word on whether they will also be cancelling David Duke's series about slavery or Osama Bin Laden's documentary on the evils of religious extremism."; Source[i] = "Ed Brayton - Dispatches from the Culture Wars"; ++i; Quote[i] = "When two opposite points of view are expressed with equal intensity, the truth does not necessarily lie exactly halfway between them. It is possible for one side to be simply wrong."; Source[i] = "Richard Dawkins"; ++i; Quote[i] = "We were once so close to heaven, Peter came out and gave us medals, declaring us the nicest of the damned."; Source[i] = "They Might Be Giants"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Is simplicity best, or simply the easiest"; Source[i] = "Depeche Mode - Judas"; ++i; Quote[i] = "I'm not looking for a clearer conscience, peace of mind after what I've been through, but before we talk of any repentance, try walking in my shoes"; Source[i] = "Depeche Mode - Walking in My Shoes"; ++i; Quote[i] = "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."; Source[i] = "Mahatma Gandhi"; ++i; Quote[i] = "What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is brought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?"; Source[i] = "Mahatma Gandhi"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."; Source[i] = "Mahatma Gandhi"; ++i; Quote[i] = "No one has ever accused me of being fair"; Source[i] = "Doris Hofer (whenever one of us told her she wasn't being fair)"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Ask them every night, because you never know when they are going to change thier mind"; Source[i] = "Roger Dalske"; ++i; Quote[i] = "You are absolutely right dear"; Source[i] = "Frank Hofer Sr. (on how to survive marriage)"; ++i; Quote[i] = "You go to war with the funding you got, not the funding you wish you had."; Source[i] = "Joseph j7uy5"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Physicists don't believe in wizards, a fact that I, being a wizard, find highly insulting. I have my revenge, therefore, by refusing to believe in physicists."; Source[i] = "Zifnab, (Elven Star by Weis & Hickman)"; ++i; Quote[i] = "We know that enormous climate changes have occurred in world history, e.g. the Ice Ages and Noah’s flood, where human causation could only be negligible."; Source[i] = "Cardinal George Pell, (Sidney, Australia)"; ++i; Quote[i] = "There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them."; Source[i] = "Joseph Alexandrovitch Brodsky, 1991"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage."; Source[i] = "Winston Churchill"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Books and ideas are the most effective weapons against intolerance and ignorance."; Source[i] = "Lyndon Baines Johnson, February 11, 1964"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it."; Source[i] = "Mark Twain"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Alcohol cannot be consumed in lieu of meal."; Source[i] = "Corporate Travel Expense Policy"; ++i; Quote[i] = "For the record, I think communism on large scales is a bad thing, because it precludes playing poker for real stakes."; Source[i] = "Phil Plait - Bad Astronomy"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive."; Source[i] = "unknown"; ++i; Quote[i] = "Don't worry, Marge. Her idea of wit is nothing more than an incisive observation humorously phrased and delivered with impeccable timing."; Source[i] = "The Simpsons"; ++i; Quote[i] = "[...]when life first arose on Earth it was nothing like us — and I don’t mean bipeds with a penchant for reading blogs and starting wars based on superstitions."; Source[i] = "Phil Plait - Bad Astronomy"; ++i; Quote[i] = "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon."; Source[i] = "Comedian Chris Rock (2006)"; ++i; Quote[i] = "McCain himself is famously reticent about his Vietnam experience. He only mentions it when people ask unrelated questions."; Source[i] = "Stephen Colbert"; ++i; //Quote[i] = ""; //Source[i] = ""; //++i; //Quote[i] = ""; //Source[i] = ""; //++i; ///////////////////// does the work ////////////////// var rand = (now.getTime())%Quote.length; document.writeln("

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